Singleness and the Desire for Marriage

From the time I was a child I just knew that I would get married. Dreaming of my future husband and the nearly perfect life we would have together was never an ‘if’ sort of thing. It was always a ‘when’. It wasn’t until college and hitting my twenties without ever having dated that the doubts started to pop-up. I could tell you it was gradual but the truth is something in me just clicked and I suddenly felt utter despair at the truth that I may never get married. Perhaps it was passing the age that I had scribbled onto my timeline as the one I should have met my husband by, or the stinging disappointment of being tricked by a young man I deeply admired. Truthfully, only God knows what it was that set my heart on a different course, but from that day on the if become much more of a burden than when ever was. 

I wish I could tell you that I read a good book or had a good chat with the Lord and surrendered it all to him. But that would be dishonest. The truth is, I began a downhill struggle that would go on for years before I finally learned to trust God and accept his daily grace. As a big picture visionary type woman, not being able to see the overarching plan for my life and relationship status was enough to send me reeling into self-pity. And let me tell you, it’s not a pretty place to be. And it certainly wasn’t God’s will for me. However, in his never-ending faithfulness to his beloved he walked with me through my questions, my doubts, my struggle to balance having faith in Him to give me the desires of my heart and believing that He is still good even if he doesn’t. 

I feel that often, well-meaning married believers paint a black and white picture for us single women. And sometimes they can’t decide which color they should paint in, making it all the more confusing. Perhaps it is because they too struggle to reconcile faith and contentment. For me there has only been one way to find balance between faith that brings hope and satisfaction in him: daily grace. One day at a time. Whenever I feel myself spiraling into the frustration of is it ‘if’ or ‘when’ I ask myself these questions:

  1. Has God given you everything you need for today?
  2. Are you able to serve him through your singleness today?
  3. Can you be glad and give thanks for all that he has blessed you with today?
  4. Can you make it through today by trusting in Him, with your circumstances just as they are? 

The answer is always yes. I am always able to think of at least one thing to be grateful for, one way I can serve the Lord as a single, and never have I truly gone without something I need. The reality is, maybe I can’t trust him for my entire future right in this moment. But I can trust Him for today. And truly, that is all he asks of me. And it is all he asks of you, dear sister. Can you trust Him today? And wait with hopeful expectation for his provision for tomorrow? 

Take some time to talk to Him. To ask yourself these questions. And begin to see life one day at a time. It makes all the difference. 

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